In the Name of Allah, the Most Compassionate, the Most Merciful
Winning the Husband – Saving a Marriage!
May Allah bless you and your family to live in peace and harmony!
Marriage is an institute which can be as firm as a rock or weak as a thread, it is up to the partners to make it either one. Due to the influence of Shaytaan, bad desires and environment outside and inside the home, sometimes a married man starts making an affair with a non-Mahram woman and may lose interest in his own wife at home. This article discusses some causes of this problem and a few suggestions for the wife to re-gain her husband’s love.
At the time of concern and tension in domestic affairs, review your life pattern to see in how many ways you can improve yourselves.
Protection of eyes:
This is one of the biggest concerns in the Ummah today, affecting both the young an old. The outside environment (streets, markets, workplaces, social events) and media inside homes (TV, magazines, internet) are filled with opportunities to look at non-Mahram faces. If someone does not protect the eyes and looks with lust and desires, his heart may be occupied with dozens of beautiful faces and may easily forget his own wife.
Disrespect and quarrels at home:
Even if the wife is sincere in her heart, sometimes abusing the tongue on domestic issues may lead the husband to feel disrespected. If the wife does not treat the husband well, he may find more peace talking to strange women outside home. Usually the people outside home (for example, at the markets and social events) appear more polite, smiling and keeping a soft and sweet-tone. This is a ‘big competition’ for the spouse at home to surpass the loving and admiring attitude experienced in the outside world!
Forgiveness and Winning the Heart:
Remember the teaching of the Islam to win the heart:
• Repel evil with good deeds;
• Join relations with the one who cuts it with you;
• Make Salaam to one who does not make Salaam;
• Forgive those who did bad to you;
• Keep politeness in all talk, with respect and love;
Allah says in the Noble Qur’an:
“The good deed and the evil deed cannot be equal. Repel (the evil) with one which is better (i.e. Allah ordered the faithful believers to be patient at the time of anger, and to excuse those who treat them badly), then verily! he, between whom and you there was enmity, (will become) as though he was a close friend.” [41:34].
“But none is granted it (the above quality) except those who are patient, and none is granted it except the owner of the great portion (of the happiness in the Hereafter i.e. Paradise and in this world of a high moral character). “[41:35].
This life is all about controlling desires and protecting from the traps of Nafs (self) and Shaytaan. This is a temporary life where desires and feeling may not be fulfilled completely - the place for enjoyment and desires is Jannah. This life is all about responsibilities, fulfilling others rights and following the commands of Allah and Sunnah.
List of husband’s likes and dislikes:
Living closely for a period of time, the wife knows the secrets of do’s and don’ts which pleases the husband. At the time of difficulty and concern, when the husband is not behaving well, extra precaution should be taken and a “selfless” attitude is needed to win his heart.
Make an extra effort to improve your character and fulfill your husbands rights with humility, and Allah will elevate you in your husband's (and everyone) eyes, as the Prophet (Sallallaho Alaihe Wasallam) has said," the one who lowers himself for the pleasure of Allah, Allah elevates him. "
If there are particular things that the husband likes, make extra effort in doing it before he asks. Also, don’t think about his bad qualities, instead concentrate on the good he has. Remember that Allah has chosen you both to be husband and wife out of His wisdom.
Looking for rights or love?
“Do not go by the book of ‘My Rights’. Go by the book of Love, Ihsaan and khidmat. In other words, if every person goes out of his or her way to fulfill the rights of others, instead of demanding his or her own rights, or goes a step further than just fulfillment of rights, i.e. he or she goes out of his or her way to be kind, caring, loving and forgiving, then automatically this world will become a paradise.” (Hedyatus Saalikeen, selected quotes by Shaykh Yunus Patel, 1998, South Africa)
A warm-welcome of the husband:
When a husband enters home and looks at the wife with love and mercy and wife also looks at the husband with love and mercy, Allah looks at both of them with mercy.
Entering and leaving home with salam and du’a keeps Shaytaan away.
The beauty and attraction of a woman is for her husband only. The wife at home should adorn herself for the husband when he arrives home and meet with him cheerfully. On the other hand, when a woman goes out of her home (for example, for a social event), she should wear simple and modest clothing and observe complete Hijaab in front of non-Mahram. In practice, this is not followed in today’s society which opens the door of immodesty.
Recommended Readings for wife:
The Rights of Husband by Shaykh Hakeem Muhammad Akhtar
The Rights of a Husband and his Status* by Shaykh Mufti Muhammad Taqi Usmani
*Discourses on Islamic Way of Life volume-2, Darul-Ishaat, Karachi, Pakistan (translation of Islahi Khutbaat, translated by Iqbal Hussain Ansari)
Recommended Readings for Husband:
The Rights of Women by Shaykh Hakeem Muhammad Akhtar
The Status and Rights of a Wife in Islam* by Shaykh Mufti Muhammad Taqi Usmani
Islam is the only religion which has given woman the status in accordance to her nature and determined her rights and duties according to her personality. Islam gave woman that dignity which no other ideology or faith has ever given. This 3-part lecture series talks about the status and role of women in society, removes misconceptions and shows how Islam elevates the status of a daughter, sister, wife and mother
Note:
SWT = Subhanahu Wa Ta'Ala
SAW = Sallallaho Alaihe Wasallam
