صبر اور عفو و در گزر

سوال:
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اگر کسی بہت عزیز دوست یا رشتے دار سے کوئی ایسی غلطی بار بار سرزد ہو، جو آپ کی برداشت سے باہر ہو تو کیا کرنا چاہیے۔ معاف کرنے اور اس کے بعد دل صاف کرنے پر اگر قدرت حاصل نہ ہو کیا کریں؟

جواب:
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جب آپ بار بار اپنے آپ کو سمجھائیں گے کہ آپ کو دل صاف ہی رکھنا چاہیے تو انشاء اللہ کچھ وقت گزرے گا کہ آپ کا دل صاف ہو جائے گا۔ یہ دنیا جس اصول پر بنی ہے، اس کا اگر آپ سنجیدگی سے جائزہ لیں تو معلوم ہوگا کہ یہ نفرت کرنے، کینہ رکھنے، بغض رکھنے ، دوسروں کی تذلیل کرنے، جزع فزع کرنے کی دنیا نہیں ہے بلکہ صبرکرنے کی جگہ ہے اور صبر کا بدلہ جنت ہے۔

قرآن مجید میں ارشاد ہے: 'وجزاہم بما صبروا جنۃ' آپ جتنا صبر کر سکتے ہیں، کریں۔ صبر کا امتحان مسلسل رہتا ہے۔ بیوی کو شوہر سے، شوہر کو بیوی سے اور اولاد کو والدین سے یہ معاملہ پیش آتا رہتا ہے۔ آپ اگر اپنے اوپر تھوڑا سا قابو پالیں اور آہستہ آہستہ اپنے آپ کو یہ سمجھا لیں تو آپ کو جنت میں جا کر یہ احساس ہوگا کہ اس موقع پر جو آپ نے صبر کیا، اپنی زبان پر قابو رکھا، اپنا دل صاف کرنے کی کوشش کی، دوسرے کو معاف کر دیا تھا اس چھوٹے سے عمل کا کتنا غیر معمولی اجر آپ کے لیے موجود ہے۔ یہ بات اگر آدمی پر واضح ہو جائے تو پھر وہ ان چھوٹی چھوٹی چیزوں کو بہت ملحوظ رکھتا ہے۔

چنانچہ قرآن مجید میں اللہ تعالیٰ نے فرمایا ہے: ''اللہ تعالیٰ اُن لوگوں کو بہت پسند کرتا ہے جو اپنے غصے پر قابو پالیں''۔

حضور صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم نے یہ ارشاد فرمایا کہ آدمی کا کسی پہلوان کو پچھاڑ لینا، کون سی بڑی بات ہے۔ اصل چیز تو یہ ہے کہ وہ غصے پر قابو پا لے۔ اس لیے کہ غصے کے موقع پر انسان انسان کم اور شیطان زیادہ ہوتا ہے۔ اس موقع پر اپنے آپ کو کنڑول کر لینا بڑی بہادری کی بات ہے۔

جب آدمی اپنے غصے پر قابو نہیں پاتا، دوسرے پر چڑھ دوڑتا ہے، اس کو رعایت نہیں دیتا اور اللہ تعالیٰ نے اس کو جو کچھ عطا کیا ہے اس پر اکتفا نہیں کرتا اور ہر موقع پر جزع و فزع کرتا ہے تو اس کا مطلب یہ ہے کہ وہ درحقیت اللہ تعالیٰ کے خلاف اپنا مقدمہ پیش کرنے کے لیے کھڑا ہو جاتا ہے کہ یہ فیصلہ اس نے کیوں کر ڈالا۔
جب آپ ان ساری باتوں کو سمجھ لیں گے تو آپ کا دل بالکل صاف ہو جائے گا اور آپ مطمئن زندگی بسر کریں گے۔ پھر ایک اچھی بات آپ کو پیش آئے گی تو اتنی خوشی نہیں ہو گی جتنی کہ جذبات پر قابو پالینے سے ہو گی۔ آپ کو محسوس ہوگا کہ آپ نے بڑی برتری حاصل کرلی ہے۔
اصل میں جو لوگ اپنے جذبات پر قابو نہیں پاتے انھیں احساس نہیں ہوتا کہ وہ اس وقت کتنے چھوٹے ہوتے ہیں۔ اے کاش، کوئی ایسا آئینہ ہوتا جو ان کے باطن کی حالت انھیں دکھا سکتا تو وہ دیکھتے کہ وہ اس میں کتنے پست اور کھوکھلے ہوتے ہیں۔

TEARS

Sha'bi narrates; "I was once in the company Of Qadhi Shuraih when a woman arrived quarelling with somebody. Soon tears began to flow from her eyes.

I said to the Judge, "Do you not see hey crying? The decision should b given in her favour as she is the oppressed."

The wise judge replied, "O Sha'bi, the brothers of Yusuf (A.S) also cam home crying, while they were oppressors and liars. A man should only deliver a judgement based on the truth."

PEOPLE WHO DEAL WITH CONFLICTS NEED TO BE OBJECTIVE AND COMPOSED IN THEIR APPROACH. EMOTION AND SENTIMENTAL FEELINGS NEED TO BE CAST ASIDE AS THESE FREQUENTLY CLOUD THE PATH OF JUSTICE.

THE TREE

There was a man who had four sons. He wanted his sons not to judge things too quickly. So he sent them each on a quest, in turn, to go and look at a pear tree that was a great distance away. The first son went in the winter, the second in the spring, the third in the summer, and the youngest son in the fall.

When they had gone and come back, he called the together to describe what they had seen. The first son said that the tree was ugly, bent, and twisted. The second son said – no it was covered in green bud and full with promise. The third son disagreed, he said it was laden with blossoms that smelled so sweet and looked so beautiful, it was the most gracious thing he had ever seen. The last son disagreed with all of the; he said it was ripe and drooping with fruit, full of life and fulfilment.

The man explained to his sons that they were all right, because they had each seen but ONLY one season in the tree’s life. He told them you cannot judge a tree, or a person, but only one season, and that the essence of who they are – and the pleasure, joy, and love that comes from that life – can only be measured at the end, when all the seasons are up.

If you give up when it’s winter, you will miss the promise of your spring, the beauty of your summer, fulfilment of your fall. Don’t let the pain of one season destroy the joy of all rest. Don’t judge life by one difficult season. Persevere through the difficult patches and better times are sure to come some time or later.

SPORTS CAR AND THE QUR'AN

A young man was getting ready to graduate college. For many months he had admired a beautiful sports car in a dealer’s showroom, and knowing his father could well afford it, he told him that that was all he wanted.

As graduation day approached, the young man waited signs that his father had purchased the car. Finally, on the morning of his graduation his father called him into his private study. His father told him how proud he was to have such a fine son, and told him how much he loved him. He handed his son a beautiful wrapped gift box.

Curious, but somewhat disappointed the young man opened the box and found a lovely, leather- bound Quran. Angrily, he raised his voice at his father and said: “With all your money you give me a Quran?” and stormed out of the house, leaving the holy book.

Many years passed and the young man was very successful in business.
He had a beautiful home ad a wonderful family, but realized his father was very old, and thought perhaps he should go to him. He had not seen him since that graduation day.

Before he could make arrangements, he received a telegram telling him his father passed away, and willed all of his possessions to his son. He needed to come home immediately and take care things. When he arrived at his father’s house, sudden sadness and regret filled his heart. He began to search his father’s important papers and saw the still new Quran, just as he had left it years ago. With tears, he opened the Quran and began to turn the pages.

As he read those words, a car key dropped form an envelope taped behind the Quran. It had a tad with the dealer’s name, the same dealer who had the sports car he had desired. On the tag was the date of his graduation, and the words...PAID IN FULL.

How many times do we miss ALLAH’S blessing because they are not packaged as we expected?

FOUR WIVES

Legend goes that once there was a very rich merchant in Baghdad who had four wives. The wealth had to be spent on something after all! The old man loved his young and beautiful fourth wife the most and adorned her with rich and beautiful clothes and treated her to all types of delicacies. He took great care of her and gave her nothing but the best. He also loved the third wife a lot. He was very proud of her and wanted to show her off to his relatives and friends. However, the merchant was always in great fear that she might run away with a younger and more handsome man.

He loved his second wife too. A middle-aged lady by then, but her intelligence made up for her age. She was a very considerate person, always patient and in fact she was the one who knew the intricacies of the trade and acted as the merchant’s confidante. Whenever the merchant faced some problems, he always turned to his second wife and she would always help him tide over the difficult times. Now the merchant’s first wife – by now frail and neglected – was a very loyal partner. She had stood by her husband through thick and thin and braved the rough times along with her husband. But this was when they were not as rich. She had made great contributions in looking after his wealth and business as well as taking care of the household. However the merchant did not love his first wife anymore and although she loved him deeply he hardly ever took notice of her. Like all good things the opulent and luxurious life of the merchant neared its end.

One day the merchant fell ill. A physician was sent for but he didn’t find much hope for the patient’s life. Judging by the sombre mood of the men and women gathered around him, the merchant knew that he was going to die soon. He reflected on the good times, thought of his luxurious life and mused: “I have four wives but when I die, I will be alone. How lonely I will be.”

He asked his wives to come sit by his side.

He addressed his fourth wife: “I love you the most, have showered on you diamonds, jewels, perfumes, and the finest of clothing and have taken great care of you, follow me and give me company in the loneliness of my grave?” “No way,” replied the youngest wife. And she walked away without another word. The answer cut like a sharp knife right through the merchant’s heart.

The sad merchant then asked his third wife. “I have loved you so much for all my life. Now that I am dying, will you follow me and keep me company?” “NO!” Replied the third wife “Life is so good over here, after your burial I am going to marry my cousin in Basra. But I promise to arrange a very goo funeral for you.” The merchant’s heart sank and he turned vey cold.

He then asked the second wife “I always turned for you for help and you have always helped me in my difficult times. This is a real crisis and now I need your valued help again. When I die, will you follow me and give me your company, you know like the good old days?” “I am sorry, I can’t help you out this time.” replied the second wife. “At the very most I can accompany you up to your grave. The answer came like a bolt of thunder and the merchant was devastated.

Then he heard a weak and frail voice: “You are my first and my last. I will be with you all the time. I will follow you wherever you go.” The merchant then looked up and saw a frail figure – his first wife. Years of neglect showed on her face. She looked pale and skinny and it was obvious that she suffered from malnutrition. Greatly grieved, the ailing merchant said, “I should have taken much more care of you while I could have.”

We all have four wives in our lives. The fourth is our body. No amount of health, food, vitamins, and visiting the gym and effort we lavish in making it look good will be of any real help, it will leave us when we die.

Regarding our third wife? Look beyond your nose – our possessions, status and wealth. When we die they all go to others.

The second wife is our family and friends. No matter how close they had been during our good times and bad, the furthest they can stay by us is up to the graveyard.

The first wife is in fact our soul, often neglected in our pursuit of material wealth and sensual things that follows us wherever we go.

Perhaps it’s a good id

A GLASS OF MILK

One day, a poor boy was selling goods from door to door to pay his way through school, found he had only one thin dime left, and he was hungry. He decided he would ask for a meal at the next house. However, he lost his nerve when a lovely young woman opened the door. Instead of a meal he asked for a drink of water.

The young lady thought he looked hungry; so she brought him a large glass of milk. He drank it slowly, and then asked, “How much do I owe you?”

“You don’t owe me anything!” she replied. “Mother has taught us never to accept pay for kindness.”

He said: “Then I thank you from my heart.” As Howard Kelly left that house, he not only felt stronger physically, but his faith in God Almighty became stronger. He had been ready to give up and quit; but continued...

Years later, that young woman became critically ill. The local doctors were baffled. They finally sent her to the city; where they called in specialists to study her rare disease. Dr. Howard Kelly was called in for the consultation. When he heard the name of the town she came from, a strange light filled his eyes. Immediately he rose and went down the hall of the hospital to her room.

Dressed in his doctor’s gown he went in to see her. He recognised her at once. He went back to the consultation room determined to do his best to save her life within his capacity. Form that day he gave special attention to the case.

After a long struggle, the battle was won. Dr. Kelly requested the business office to pass the final bill to him for approval.

He looked at it, then wrote something on the edge and the bill was sent to her room. She feared to open it, for she was sure it would take the rest of her life to pay for it all.
She read these words:

“PAID IN FULL WITH ONE GLASS OF MILK” signed Dr, Howard Kelly.

Tears of Joy filled her eyes; as her happy heart prayed: “Thank you, O Almighty, Most Merciful of those who show Mercy, that You spread Your Kindness and Mercy through Human Hearts and Minds.”

• Abu Hurairah (R.A.) reports that Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alaiyhi Wassallam) said, that whosoever gives in charity, even such a small thing as a date, Allah Ta’ala takes this charity, provided that it is form legitimate income; the Allah Ta’ ala fosters this charity and increases it, even a date becomes equal to a mountain. (BUKHARI, MUSLIM)

• Aqaba bin Amir (R.A.) reports that Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alaiyhi Wassallam) said that if there is nothing to give in charity, say something good to the people and if this is also not possible, do not cause injury or harm to anyone. It will amount to charity. (BAZAR, IBN HABAN)

LOVED ONE

An old scholar was asked by a student. 'You have studied Islam for many years, what have you learnt?' The scholar said '1 of the things I have learnt is EVERYONE has a loved one. When he goes to the grave, he leaves his loved one. Therefore, I made my loved one my good deeds; that way, they will be with me in the grave'

How beautiful. May ALLAH make us all aware of our purpose in life, Aameen